Don't Poop Where You Eat

Dear Readers,
I wrote this article out of tidbits I picked up in conversations around campus. It is highly exaggerated and does not necessarily portray my personal opinion but I thought it was worth writing to give a strong opinion on the topic. Please keep this in mind when reading.
-Anne Leiser

“I hate that everything at this university is about the money,” she said to me.
“What do you mean?” I asked her, my thoughts already wandering to the Monsanto debate.
“Everyone here expects us to be involved; to take matters into our own hands; to be the 'leaders of tomorrow' but when we want to lead something we are told that we can't. Because of ‘the image’, which is just a synonym for money. We are being fobbed off with formalities so that the mock-democracy can live on. Democracy, meaning the participation of the student body and of professors, only exists under the patronage of Pimp T.”
“Pimp T?” I responded.
“This university is a whore who just tries to earn a living and T is her pimp who tells her what make-up to wear and how to pose so that she appears attractive. Only like this can he find suitable suitors to invest.
One example of this is living on campus and the discussion about being allowed to live off campus. ‘All students living together in an international environment’ is one of T's arguments for sponsors to invest and he would never let this argument be undermined. Of course it is one of the positive characteristics of this university to live together, but many students come here to learn German, to live in Germany, and to become independent. Many have never lived on their own but instead of allowing these people to lead the life they choose they are forced to eat Aramark thrice a day. We aren't even allowed to get off the meal plan without a long fight, though I'm sure cooking together has the potential to greatly enhance intercultural learning and communication.
Living on campus has many advantages and it's a wonderful idea to help people become integrated. But firstly Sean Ames is right about what he said on his radio show of April 19th: “it is a far cry from the internationality it could be [...] if a group of Romanians or Germans moved off campus, I don't think I'd notice much. Maybe an empty table in the servery.” Secondly, we should be treated like adults, given responsibilities and freedoms and be allowed to choose our place of living; if only for the third year, as is often done at most American universities. That way we would still benefit from living together, but be able to live off-campus at some point in our stay here.“
“But you can't just see it all black and white! T is just trying to help the university not go bankrupt so it won't be sold to the state of Bremen for 1 Euro. It is a company; it needs to make enough money to afford its morals. You can't have ideals without having money first. And our university being a private university brings that about.”
“I see that, but we are mature and responsible. We can contribute to the forming of this place. Our opinions and thoughts aren't being sufficiently taken into consideration. Our point of view is a different one and needs to be respected just as much as everyone else's. I don't think T is aware how hard it is to live where you work; to poop where you eat. Maybe he should live in his office for a week. We could escort him to the serveries three times a day where rumors about the last party will be going around. We could knock on his door in the middle of the night, demanding him to return the ice cream we are sure he has eaten; we could have loud sex in the next room and for cleaning he will only be provided with an asthmatic R2D2-replica vacuum cleaner that, on top of everything, smells like cabbage.
It almost seems as if Pimp T is afraid of us all emigrating off campus. It may be a rational fear, but he seems to be handling it like Honecker, last president of East Germany, desperately trying to stop those who want to flee to the West.
Speaking of the Wall, in another recent article in the Pulse of the World we read that the Jacobs vicinity is disappointed about the lack of integration with its neighbors. We should invite our neighbors in; we should open our gates to them and show them that we are not the stuck-up snobs our coffee university is known for. How about having an open campus day once a month? People could be invited to come and have a picnic on the beautiful grounds we have, to talk to students and ride their bikes. We would see people outside our age group walking around. Of course I know that there are issues, like security and insurance. But just once I wish the university leadership would clap their hands and say 'YES, let's make it happen!' “
“Interesting,” I responded.